Relief

I thought I might be disappointed. I didn't want to have high expectations. I was disappointed with the results of the last two elections and yet I could actually breathe a sigh of relief on November 4th 2008. When McCain gave his concession speech I cheered when he said Obama would be his president. I cried tears of joy during the president elect's acceptance speech. I am still in disbelief. When are people going to say that the Democrats pulled some kind of conspiracy? Are we really going to have an eloquent person hold the highest office in the land and replace the most idiotic president I have ever heard? All I know is that we as a nation just witnessed something monumental. We witnessed history. I can now tell my future offspring that it is really possible to be the President of the United States if you are a person that is bi-racial, if you are an intelligent, progressive, well spoken, and unbelievable individual. I didn't realize how much this means to me until I couldn't stop crying those tears of joy and hugging my significant other. I just said, "We can tell our kid about this someday...we can tell them where we were, what we heard, and how we felt. We felt inspired. We felt uplifted. We felt understood. Thank you for speaking to the hearts and minds of the American people. We have been waiting 8 years President Elect Barack Obama. We have a lot of work to do together but now we actually can start to make that change. Yes we can!

Work and stuff...

I suppose I should be counting my blessings but I feel nervous. I'm worried because at the restaurant I work at we are changing our concept and the restaurant will be closed for two weeks for a remodel. However, there has been talk that corporate wants to do layoffs. I just can't handle another lay off. I've been laid off three times in the last year. I guess I know how to pick them, huh? Regardless, I love my job and haven't been this happy in my career in a very long time. I really don't want to get laid off. I've learned so much and I feel fulfilled. I love the people I work with and am willing to learn more. I would remain loyal to the company and to the restaurant if I knew there was stability. I know my executive chef is going to try everything and talk to corporate about keeping as many people as possible. He said that before he left the kitchen tonight that "everything will be o.k." Isn't that what people always say when things are going to be bad?

On another note, I'm a bit worried too because I will be the Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding Saturday. I am really excited and honored that I was asked to be in the wedding. It will be the first wedding I have ever participated in. It's great because it's a lesbian wedding too and I really am feeling hopeful that the state government will continue to recognize gay, lesbian, and transgender rights. However, I don't know if the Californians will agree come November 4th. Anyway I am close to my friend's family and I will see my ex at the wedding...the bride is my ex's sister. I don't really talk to him anymore. I only wish him the best. However, I know he doesn't like me and I don't know if he will be civil during the day of the wedding. I am very nervous but once again hopeful that he will put his feelings aside. I want this day to be about the bride and groom. Regardless, I really would like to help as much as I can because I take my responsibilities as the Maid of Honor seriously. I just hope things will be o.k.

I love my sister.

Veronica, my middle sister is sick. I am hoping the doctors will find out what is causing her so much pain. We have had our differences in the past but we have both grown so much the last few years. We are much happier individually and have supportive partners now. My sister is talented at her job; great at impersonations; and makes me laugh. We hardly ever agree on our tastes on entertainment or politics but I can't imagine not having the three ladies around. My youngest sister, Tina can't either. It's always been us three girls taking on the world. I love my sister. We are too vivacious to let our health problems take over our lives. Here's to improving the quality of our lives, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Clarity about oil in the U.S.

I found this article on www.SustainableBusiness.com. If you want to know the truth about drilling on federal lands and offshore drilling please read. If we really want to solve this crisis we need to demand better accountability from our elected officials, the Bureau of Land Management, and the oil companies.


06/18/2008 12:16 PM The Truth About America’s Energy:Big Oil Stockpiles Supplies and Pockets Profits Today's News Stories:New York City Forces Businesses to Close Doors on AC U.S. Doubles Wind Power Supply In 2 Years Bi-Weekly Investor Round-Up Iberdrola's New York Acquisitions Approved Weekly Clean Energy Roundup: September 3, 2008 Vertical Farms for Food & Restoration » more newsThe fact is the U.S. simply can't drill its way to lower prices at the pump. Other options, from greater energy efficiencies to the development of alternative fuels, are essential to reducing dependency on petroleum fuels and lowering fuel costs.Since the 1990s, drilling on federal lands has steadily increased as a result of federal government policies that encourage development. The number of drilling permits has exploded in recent years, rising from 3,802 five years ago to 7,561 in 2007. Between 1999-2007, the number of drilling permits issued in public lands increased by over 361%, yet gasoline prices have also risen dramatically, contradicting the argument that more drilling means lower gasoline prices. There is simply no correlation between the two. Even if increased domestic drilling could reduce gas prices, there's no justification to open additional federal lands because oil and gas companies can't keep pace with the number of drilling permits the federal government is handing out.Over the past four years, the Bureau of Land Management has issued 28,776 permits to drill on public land - 18,954 wells were actually drilled. That means companies have stockpiled nearly 10,000 extra permits. The Feds have made 47.5 million acres of on-shore federal lands available to developers - about 13 million acres are in production. Similar trends are evident offshore where only 10.5 million of the 44 million available acres are currently producing oil or gas. Combined, oil and gas companies hold leases to nearly 68 million acres of federal land and waters that they are not producing oil and gas. Oil and gas companies would not buy leases if they didn't believe oil and gas could be produced there, yet they are not producing oil or gas from these areas already under their control. Current inactive leases could produce an additional 4.8 million barrels of oil and 44.7 billion cubic feet of natural gas each day. That would nearly double total U.S. oil production, and increase natural gas production by 75%. It would also cut U.S. oil imports by more than a third, and be more than six times the estimated peak production from the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR).Proponents of opening additional lands to oil and gas leasing assert that vast quantities of oil and gas are closed to energy development. In fact, according to the Minerals Management Service, of all the oil and gas believed to exist on the Outer Continental Shelf, 82% of the natural gas and 79% of the oil is located in areas that are currently open for leasing. The Department of the Interior recently released a report that the Administration is using to delude Americans into believing that vast tracts of federal land with large concentrations of oil and gas are off-limits to oil and gas development. In actuality, the report shows that only 38% of the oil and 16% of the natural gas are excluded from leasing largely because those resources are underneath National Parks and wilderness areas that have significant scenic, recreational, and wildlife values. ++++ Adapted from a Special Report by the Committee on Natural Resources Majority Staff

Thinking about asthma, thinking about death...

I'm writing because I can not sleep. I am pumped full of Prednisone (a type of steroid) to keep my lungs from going haywire again. Unfortunately, Prednisone gives one insomnia which is great since I was at the E.R. again this morning around 6:15 a.m. Clearly, I could use the sleep. So before I went to the E.R. and as I was trying to get some relief from my nebulizer (a breathing machine) I realized that it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. It felt like my lungs were on fire. It felt like I was breathing through a straw under water. If you don't have asthma I hope you never experience it. If you do I hope some form of albuterol, atrovent, advair, singulair, xolair, or zopanex gives you some relief. If you use the alternative methods like acupuncture or yoga I admire you too. Regardless, I sat there trying to concentrate while I shook from the drugs, shook from my increased heart rate, and while I cried because I was damn scared. I thought I really don't want to die and I had always wished that if I died I would die in my sleep; then the thought came to me that if I die it will be the most likely way that I will go. I'll probably die in my sleep because that's when I usually have problems breathing. So now I have decided I don't want to die in my sleep because it wouldn't be going peacefully.

Anyway, I sat there and I thought there are a lot of things I want to say to people if I do ever die earlier than I want to and unfortunately, I don't have a living will because quite frankly I don't even own anything of large financial significance so most of it will be sentimental. I just want to say some things to the people who are important to me. I need to say these things if anything were to ever happen. Here it goes and they aren't in any particular order of importance:

Kevin Burns, you are the most important person in my life. You have shown me unconditional love, have shown me patience, and understanding. You have renewed my faith that someone can love not because of competition, insecurity, or power. You have illustrated that love is very real and that there are few people who can say that they feel the joy and solace that we feel when we are with each other. Thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for taking care of me when I have been at my worst emotionally and physically. Thank you for providing a safe place when I had nightmares. Thank you for that trip down PCH when we ate at that quaint cafe. Thank you for Lake Tahoe, Hawaii, Yosemite. Thank you for taking me to LACMA and giving me the opportunity to see a real Picasso, seeing that art, that vast art where the artist painted with their entire being, on those large canvases was life changing. I couldn't believe I was standing in front of the canvases covering 15 or 30 feet of wall. I just needed to cry. Thank you for the ride down Hana Highway in Maui in that jeep. I haven't been so happy to be with someone. Thank you for the moments on the couch playing video games, playing board games, or just holding each other. I haven't felt so comforted, connected, and loved in my entire life. Some people don't believe this kind of love exists but I hope that everyone gets that opportunity to embrace it. Kev, if I ever leave this place and I'm lucky to find Nirvana, heaven, or to become one with the earth again. I just want you to know that the way we kissed each other, loved each other, touched each other, supported each other was fate. I want you to always continue to embrace life and to enjoy all your various interests. You will never lead a boring life. You will always have a dedication, love, and capacity to make someone happy. I love you and will always love you. I want you to have my painting of the violin, goblet, and candle. I want you to have any of the paintings I didn't give to my family. I want you to have my Prius if it's paid off by the time I die. I want you to have any poetry that is dedicated specifically to you. I want you to have all my photography, all my picture stuff, and I hope that it will remind you of all the fantastic memories we had together. I love you.

Cecile Vera Cruz, a.k.a Polly Pocket, we have known each other since we were in middle school. We've been through so much together and pushed each other to become better human beings. I find your thrist for knowledge to be unrivaled by most anyone I know. I think you are one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and best friends a person can have and I thank you. I want you to have all my ipod stuff and MP3s if I ever have to go and I would like you to have my oil painting of the ant from National Geographic that I painted in art class. I am so glad we had each other to hold when times got difficult, I am so glad that you were there to laugh at my dumb jokes, I am so glad that you were the sister I needed. I love you very much. Hopefully, St. Peter will let me in to the gates or I will find Nirvana but I doubt it because I don't even meditate. Haha, I get too angry to be a good Buddhist. Oh, my fellow "angry asian girl," we finally found some phenomenal love and I hope it continues to grow. If anything ever happens to me I just want you to know that I appreciate all that you have ever done for me. I really do. You are a true amiga.

Myrna Elguezabal, I love you and am so happy we met at that godforsaken place in La Jolla. I could always tell you anything and you would tell me what you thought. I could tell you my concerns whether they were miniscule or some intimate detail of my life, yet you wouldn't judge me. I am so blessed that we got to know each other. Your yearning to find out about other cultures, the Holocaust, music, and everything else was so great to share with you. I can see you blossoming into this amazing person who absorbs so much and really applies it to daily life. You are so fun, gorgeous, lovely, talented, and vivacious. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for enhancing my life. You are awesome!

Dionne Panton, gosh we have been through a lot together. You always understood when I had "man," problems. It seemed like we had one anothers' backs at all times. I do hope that you get to fulfill all your professional dreams because you are one smart lady. I hope that you find a balance, contentment, and joy that will remain in your life for years to come. Your daughters are beautiful and so smart. If anything should ever happen to me I want you to have my India Arie C.D.s. You know how much her music meant to me. The concert we attended was so amazing. I hope the inspiration she sings about will fill your life. I love you chica.

Malissa McLaughlin, we have known eachother since we were little kids, when we would draw or listen to Green Day. I always admired your artistic abilities and hope you will find a great job that will allow you to accomplish all that I know you can someday. No matter how long the periods were that we did not talk we always were able to catch up as if we never stopped talking. I thank you for that comfort and I thank you for your friendship over the years. I love you and your family as if we were blood related. I love you like a real cousin.

Jacklynn Deleon, I know we have had so much happen to us over the years, separately, and together. You are one of the most adventurous, driven, and great people I have had the opportunity to meet. I remember riding around on our bikes as kids gathering all the neighbors' produce and I remember gorging ourselves side by side with our sisters in the "hidden park." I always trusted you with all of darkest secrets since we have been through a lot of challenges. I just want you to know that I really want you to love yourself enough to ask for nothing but the utmost love/respect from those around you. I know we have gone down our different spiritual paths and I'm glad that you have found one that works for you just remember to keep an open-mind about how others practice their spirituality. I want you to know that I love you lots. I am glad we had all those sleep overs through the years and if I ever pass away because of my health issues I want you to have my stamping stuff because you are so freakin' artistic.

To the Appleman Family, thank you for all the support over the years. You really were the best friends a girl could ask for and I really am blessed that I had you when I was at my most depressed. I know that things didn't work out between your son and I. I know that I made a lot of mistakes and that our relationship just wasn't going to be fulfilling for either of us. However, I wish Jer nothing but the best and really hope he finds comfort, joy, love, prosperity, and artistic success someday. I hope he find solace within himself. No, I mean Jeremy I hope you find what you have been seeking over the years. You are one passionate soul who is seeking a place to feel comfortable in this strange world. Yet, I remember that time we sat in your VW looking at the clouds when we lived in Otay Ranch and I just remember the hope from that day. I hope your never lose sight of that hope. Ev, you are a great friend and I always could find a kind ear and such great moments of laughter with you. You are a great scrapbooking buddy. You are a phenomenal girlfriend. Jim, you and I must have been related in another life. You are a great dad. You really try and I know you often play the devil's advocate when it's very difficult. You are a wondeful person. I am glad I had the opportunity to get to know you because you are one of the most entertaining, intelligent, and quirky people I know. Kay, you are amazing. Your strength through all the challenges you have experienced is so admirable and you are really talented. You have a beautiful laugh and I hope that someday you will be in such good health that you can run around the streets screaming, "Applesauce!" I love you like a real sister. Tristan, you know I always loved your fervor and passion. If I needed to have someone to back me up in a fight I would pick you because we both know how it feels to be underestimated because of our size. I love you lots. David and Elizabeth, you are one of the cutest couples I have ever known. I am glad you found eachother. David, thank you for always being a wonderful friend and Elizabeth thank you for giving David such unconditional love. You really changed his life. Ev, if I ever die I want you to have my scrapbooking stuff. I want you to have all that stuff to share with the scrapbooking divas to make phenomenal pages. Give Lupe and Steve my love as they have been such great friends. Steve, you always inspired me with your green thumb and Lupe you inspired me because of your art. Jim, I want you to have my Paul Van Dyk C.D. I know how much you like techno. Thank you.

Chef Orion, I know we haven't know eachother very long but I thank you for the opportunity you gave me to realize my culinary dreams. I admire your artistic and technical talents. You are a very smart man who isn't afraid to grow and I wish you the best in finding a balance in your life as I know how stressful it is in the kitchen. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for understanding that I was passionate about my culinary aspirations. I just can't thank you enough.

Candyce O'Hara, you are one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known. I am so happy you were in my life. I loved your appreciation for mother earth, all things spiritual, Johnny Depp, and U2. I want you to have any of my U2 C.D.s. I am sure you already have them but hey you can keep one copy in the house and one copy in the car. Thank you for all the comfort and hospitality you bestowed on Kevin and I. Mr. O'Hara thank you for all the great game nights. Thank you for bringing me into that fantastic group of people and making feel at home.

To Dr. Wallace, Dr. Salt, Kara, Lisa, and Norma. Thank you for all care you have given me over the years. Thank you for fighting with me against my allergies and my asthma attacks. Thank you for trying to find the best methods to bring me relief. Your tireless efforts are very appreciated. Thank you so much.

Rich Howard, thank you for being such an amazing friend. You were always such a great listener and so genuine. There aren't many people like you out in the world. I hope you get to be that unbelievable nurse that you will be someday. Thank you for caring.

Lastly to my family, Dad you are one hard working guy. I know you work hard but I wish you would take it easy more often. I want you to be around if Tina or Veronica have kids someday. Also, I haven't seen you pick up a good book in years so I think you should start reading again. I've got a large collections of books spanning various topics and I think you would find many of them very intriguing. Regardless, thank you for taking me under your wing when I was a baby. Thank you for loving me, making me laugh, giving me back scratches, taking us camping, and thank you for being a good dad. I really hope that your family's health history and sleep apneia improve. I don't think the family wants to lose another person to heart disease. I love you dad. I want you to be around for a long time. However, if I am not I want you to have my contour sketch drawings when I was doing fashion design, I was really proud of those and I think they would make you proud too. I also want you to have my water color paintings, and my chinese brush paintings. I also want you to have my Coldplay, Police, and Radiohead C.D.s. Mom, I love you and am grateful that I got my painting, cooking, drawing, and singing ablilities from you. I know if you had the opportunity to have finished school you would have taken the world by storm. If I die I want you to have all my kitchen gadgets, my Cuisineart Food Processor, my Kitchen Aid professional mixer, my Global knives, my Ken Shun knife, my herbs, my spices, my steamer, my pots, and all my other tools. Just make sure to ask Kev which ones were his because believe or not he did have some cooking supplies before I moved in to the house. Veronica, hey sis. I love you and I know we are two very different personalities but I know that we grew up to be very amazing people. I want you to know that I always loved that you could make us laugh and that you had the uncanny ablility to impersonate anyone you saw on t.v. I am glad that you are such an accomplished dental hygenist and hope that you and Luis have a wonderful life together. He really is the guy for you. I am glad you found one another. I want you to have all my D.V.D.s. I don't have many but the ones I have are really entertaining and good. I want you to have the painting of the forest fire in Siberia. Tina, my sweet sister. I thank you for all the support you have provided. We always seemed to understand eachother when we needed to be alone. When we needed to get away from the craziness of our family. I love you. I am so glad we got to get to know each other as adults. You are such a gifted person with so much to give. However, I don't want you to work too hard because you are going to exhaust yourself. I am glad that Tobias and you have eachother to lean on. I am glad he makes you feel safe. I want you to have all my oil paints, the violin, and all my bath and body products. I also want you to have my poetry books. If you do find any that are dedicated to Kevin please give him the original. Otherwise, I know you will appreciate my angst, my anger, my love, my passion, and I hope it inspires you to write too. I also want you to have all my Chet Baker, Ella Fitzgerald, and Michael Buble C.D.s. I know you will appreciate them. Ceci, thank you for listening to me and being a fantastic aunt when I was little. You always took me on these great drives, hikes, and other adventures. You really molded my outlook on nature. I hope that you find serenity some day and that the love you have found will become healthier, positive, and increasingly better. All relationships need improvement andI now how much you love Mike. Mike, thanks for making my aunt happy. Remember, you have to take care of yourself before you can give of yourself. Alex, I love you and have always felt like you were the brother I never had. I think you are one of the smartest kids I ever got to see grow up and I wish the the best success when you decide to be a certified auto mechanic. You always were interested in how things worked and I know you will do well in anything you put your energy into and I am hoping that you will continue to grow. I hope you and your mom will continue to improve your relationship and I want you to have any of my books on humor. I always loved seeing you laugh. You can get my book by Big Foot (yes Big Foot), my America book by Jon Stewart, and my other book by Jon Stewart. Stay informed and always try to question everything. The media doesn't always give you all the information you need. I think you are capable of making sound decisions. Ceci, I want you to have any of my picture frames and figurines. I don't have many but the ones I have are nice.

So I wrote this only if something happens to me. If for some reason I am in a coma for more than three months I don't want to be on life support after that time. I would like organs to be donated and everything else to be cremated. I would like my ashes spread at the Golden Gate Bridge. Also, if there is some kind of memorial, I want the Peter Gabriel song "I Grieve," to be played, the Death Cab for Cutie songs, "I Will Follow You Into the Dark and Soul Meets Body" played, The Postal Service Song, "Be Still My Heart," India Arie's song, "Nature," for Kevin, Sarah McLachlin's song, "In the Arms of an Angel," and U2's "A Beautiful Day and Walk On." I want the memorial outside with no religious figures please, no priests, no Catholic ceremony and on that day I want a Daoist poem to be read and I would like orchids to decorate the memorial. Most importantly, I want everyone to eat very well that day and celebrate my passion for life. I love you all and will always love you. Thank you Mr. Zerkich, Mrs. Hanzlik a.k.a Mrs. Schmidt, Mr. Vitous, Mrs. Fletcher, Mr. Campbell, Professor Denise Richards, Mr. Kurth, and Mr. Cunningham for inspiring me. Thank you Thomas Duncan, Joe Green, Cathy Burgess, Bill Trost, Harvey Burgess, the entire C3 crew, Morgan Zunino, Becky Marcano, Janet Glasco, and Soudabeh Sarkar- Housseini for being such great friends over the years. I wish you all the best of hope, love, and peace.

Fuck Asthma!

I am tired of fighting my asthma. I really haven't had to deal with it for a while now; it's been a few months since I have had a serious attack. I am convinced that the stress at my job at the pharmaceutical was causing the attacks and literally killing me. I guess it was a blessing in disguise to get laid off along with the rest of the department. Regardless, I am frustrated because this humid weather and the allergens in the air have caused my asthma to flare up again. Unfortunately, on Saturday I woke up around 5 in the morning with serious problems breathing. My inhalers were not giving me any relief so I hooked up my nebulizer (a breathing machine) that turns liquid medication into vapor for me to breathe. The medication helps to open up my airways. After using my nebulizer my breathing got back to normal and so I went back to bed. However, when I woke up again I was having difficulty breathing and so I had to repeat all the steps to get some comfort. I ended up using the nebulizer twice on Saturday. Of course, the medication makes me drowsy, lethargic, and shakey. I couldn't go to work which was frustrating because I actually like my job.



After some much needed rest I felt back to normal by Sunday morning. I wasn't having any issues with my breathing. I got ready for work called and let them know that I actually was coming in as my chef had called the day before wanting to make sure that I would be o.k. and wouldn't die. I told him that I would be fine and hopefully I wouldn't die. I prepared all my work stuff, chef's attire, knife bag, backpack, and headed out the door. Only to find that I was able to get into my car because I left the door unlocked two nights before but I did not have my car key or my house keys. I had to call Kev who was at Game Empire and he had to drive home. I felt bad for interrupting his game but was able to get into the house. On another note, I frequently have to switch my backpack which has my folder where I keep my notes for work with a purse when I am not at work. Well, I left my keys in my purse which I thought I had moved to my backpack. I need to carry my damn keys around a chain around my neck and get the spare key back from a relative. I am hopeless sometimes.



I left the house and arrived in La Jolla and had to park far away in the residential area as usual. I walked down to the restaurant and was able to get into the swing of things. I wanted to be ready and get all my prep work done because I had a feeling it was going to be busy. Oh, it was busy for me and I was slammed in my station for a while and I kept telling myself that I would be o.k. I needed to stay calm because I didn't want my asthma to flare up. In fact, I worked through most of my shift and then it hit me. It was much too loud with the noise from the front of house and the sounds of cooking in the kitchen. However, I couldn't hear my breathing. I couldn't hear if I was weazing. I just knew that I was not breathing normally. So I used one pump of my inhaler and held my breath to allow the medicine to get to my lungs. I counted to 60 hoping it would work but after 3 more attempts I knew I wasn't getting any relief. So the guys in the kitchen saw me using my inhaler as I tried to work still and they didn't realize how bad it was until I grabbed Arturo and led him to the letter I wrote that was posted on the wall. The letter contained all my emergency contacts, my allergies to foods and medications, the descriptions of what happens when I have allergic reactions and asthma attacks, and finally the medications I take daily. I told him as I struggled to breathe to call Kevin; call him at home and then he didn't answer. So then I pointed to the cell phone number and he didn't pick up. Quickly Arturo went down the list and called my sister, then my father, then my mother, and then aunt. No one was picking up. I needed Kevin to take me home; to take me to my nebulizer. Unfortunately, my nebulizer is bulky and large; it would be difficult to carry everywhere. Arturo asked me to get the assistant general manager, Summer and she took me outside to get some air. She got me a glass of water and that's when my phone rang. I was trying to stay calm; I was trying to concentrate on my breathing. It was my mom on the other end and she was scared. She has asthma too just like the rest of my family (my sisters, my aunt, and my grandmother). Clearly, she could tell I was having difficulty breathing; it was all too familiar to her after struggling with her asthma and taking care of my asthmatic sisters as children. She started to cry and I told her that Kevin was coming to take me to my nebulizer. However, she insisted that I call 9-1-1. I finally agreed and that is when Summer took me into the front of house office and had me rest while she called emergency services. I knew I was having problems when I felt like I was going to faint and Summer was worried because she said my lips were turning purple. The fire department arrived quickly and checked my vitals. They also gave me a breathing treatment of Albuterol. It's funny but I didn't have my glasses on and apparently the people at work told me later that the firefighters were very good looking but I didn't notice at the time. The chief joked that once I got better they wanted me to cook for them and that he had some recipes that I should try out. I just gave him the o.k. symbol with my hand. I grew up near a firestation as a child and remember bringing the firefighters apple pies that we made from scratch from our apple tree. My family knew that the firefighters paid for their own food and once we found their pouch of money in a cart at Vons. I remember that my family put more money in the pouch and the firetruck arrived to pick it up. Our nosey neighbor came out to find out what the commotion was and we explained that no one was hurt. I've always appreciated what firefighters do and so I would gladly make these firefighters food someday when I was healthier.



The ambulance arrived and they carried me in a chair up the stairs to street level. One of the firefighters said he liked patients like me because I was 100 lbs and easy to carry. I just laughted. The EMTs placed me on a stretcher and carried me into the ambulance. Apparently, some La Jollans were upset that the firetruck and amublance were on the street. I could tell there was enough room for the cars to get by but the EMT said if they needed to get their alcohol that badly than they neeeded help. I sat on the stretcher and the EMT just asked me some questions. Suddenly my mom popped into the ambulance from the side door. I had no idea that she was so close to La Jolla. The EMT looked suprised and wanted to know who she was; my mom quickly responded that she was "the mother." She didn't say "her mother," and damn she said it with authority. She asked if I was o.k. and I said the firefighters had given me a breathing treatment. She found out they were taking me to the hospital and Kevin, my mother, my father, and Ate Myrna would follow. The EMT gave me another breathing treatment on the way to Sharp Memorial. The funny thing is the EMT saw my drivers' license picture and said that I looked less distressed in the pic. He said that it was a good picture and then he asked about my name. I tried to it explained it was pronounced as She-na even though it's spelled Shienna. I told him it's like Sheena Easton.



He asked," You know who Sheena Easton is?"



I said "Of course."



He asked," How old are you?"



Nobody ever knows how old I am because I look like I am 20 and on bad days 18 which doesn't help when dating someone 8 years older. It looks like the craddle was robbed. Well, I told him I was 27 and then he said that since we both knew who Sheena Easton was we aged ourselves. He asked about my last name and what origin it was from. I told him that it is Spanish but I am Filipina. I told him my ancestor was a monk. I didn't get to add that my great grandmother was Chinese. He asked me if I was a waitress at the restaurant (which was a little offensive to me as I was wearing chef's attire) but I didn't care because I was trying to breathe through all this questioning. I told him I was a cook. He asked what I made and I told him that I make salads, sushi, and desserts. He replied that my boyfriend should marry me just because I could make sushi and desserts. He wanted to know if I make sushi at home and I told him I make Italian. His eyes lit up and he said that my food style was diverse. He told me that he could picture the judge asking Kevin why he wanted to marry me and he would simply say that I knew how to make sushi and desserts. The judge would understand and ask for nothing further and that would be enough. The EMT said that he would date me if I wasn't taken which I found very funny and then he got down to business. He asked for my insurance card and I gave him the San County Medical Services card I just received. I told him I didn't have insurance. He looked at the card and said it should cover everything. He made me sign the palm pilot so that they could be reimbursed for their services. It was weird because I know it was his job but what if I wasn't awake? I had read some articles that it is common for EMTs to get a credit card now if you don't have an insurance card. It sucks because I don't have my insurance through work until January. I've worked since I was 17 and even though I have had insurance most of the time. I was upset that in the last year and half I have been laid off 3 times (what bad luck) and that my insurance hasn't been consistently active. I hope that I can get re-approved for County Medical Services when it expires at the end of September and that I can get my insurance through work so I can start my asthma shots again that helped so much in the past. In fact, the Xolair shots are preventative and help people with severe allergy-induced asthma attacks. I actually have a vial at my allergist/immunologist's office but I don't have the insurance to pay for the visit. I am looking forward to taking the injections again simply because it really improved my condition.



Regardless, I arrived at the Sharp Memorial and they admitted me into the Emergency Room. They got me to a bed and then the EMT communicated all the information he gathered to the RN. They got my vitals and gave me an I.V. Kevin came to my bed with my mother and they both looked at me with that worried look. The doctor came over and said I was still weezing a lot and that the air wasn't ciruclating well in my lungs. He said that they may have to admit me into the hospital. I have had my share of hospital stays this year and for a lifetime. I simply didn't want to stay. So after the third breathing treatment the machine showed my breathing was 100% but the pulmonolgist said the air was not circulating in my upper portion of my lungs. So after 30 minutes I had another breathing treatment of Zopanex. Luckily, my mom, dad, Ate Myrna, and Kevin kept me company. My mom made us all laugh so hard that I was crying. I told them my story about the EMT and I told them about my asthma attacks. My mom said that it sucks the entire family has it. She said that I got here genes and that's why I have bad allergies too. It's funny because my mom and I have both developed allergies to avocado and peaches in the last two years. It's irnonic because my mom makes a great guacomole and she can't even taste it anymore. Unfortunatley, my mom has also developed allergies to many other fruits recently and her friend has a theory that it's the sugars in the fruits. I just feel really bad for my mom. Anyway, after the fourth breathing treatment my breathing got back to normal and I also found out from the doctor I have a heart murmur. My dad said he had one too which didn't make me feel any better. Regardless, I was alive, breathing, and really hungry. I was ready to go home. All the drugs in my system left me drowsy, nauseated, and feeling funny but that's normal. The doctor listened to my lungs again and said I could go home.



On another note, I know that kitchens are hot, humid, and stressful places. Humidity, cold air, and stress are bad for asthma. However, I just want to be a culinary artist someday and I guarantee that this is not going to deter me from following my goals. Every job has some level of stress and hopefully with some yoga, some breathing exercises, and my Xolair injections I will be able to improve my health. I will not let this kill me. I want to live long enough to have a kid, spend more quality time with Kevin, and to finish culinary school. I will embrace life and try to think positively. Asthma will not destroy my life.

It's been too long let's talk food.

It's been a while since I have written a blog on here. I'm up late but that o.k. because I don't have to work today. I've had a lot change since I last wrote. I took a large leap in July and decided to follow my heart. I changed my career completely to my passion which is cooking. I currently work in a fine dining establishment that overlooks La Jolla cove. The view is quite stunning. We create Californian Cuisine there and I have learned so much since I started. It's the best education I can get until I can afford to go to culinary school. At the moment I work the pantry and dessert stations. It's sometimes difficult to get used to all the unwritten rules of working in a kitchen since I have been working in cubicle/office settings for the last 8 years. However, I love it and wouldn't change the decision to really do what I love. I am very excited about the creative aspect of culinary arts and am eager to experiment with new recipes as a sous chef or culinary chef someday. I think my goal is to become a "chef," someday in some capacity or to own my own cafe. Plus, my boyfriend and I really would like to "retire," someday and own our own cafe where we can display our art and I can cook appetizing, healthy, and simple cuisine.

On another note, I definitely took a pay cut and am making less than half of what I was making hourly at my old jobs. I am hoping to find a part time job to make up for the loss. I want to pay off the rest of my debt so that I can have the money to go to culinary school. I am interested in obtaining my certificates through the San Diego Community College District through the adult education courses. The classes are free but they fill up quickly. I have to hold off for a semester as I want to work as much as I can to get to a better place financially. Plus, I want to be financially responsible so that I feel better about what I contribute financially to bills within my relationship. So it will be nice to get the certificates and then in the future attend San Diego Culinary Institute so that I may obtain my Comme de Cuisine.

Conversly, I am sad that I don't cook as often at home. It's mostly because I don't have the disposable income I used to spend at Whole Foods, Trader Joes, and the Farmers Market. Futhermore, I just don't have as much time to cook at home which is disappointing since my boyfriend isn't getting fed as well as he used to and I relied on his previous input when playing with recipes. I hope to get back to my old cooking habits shortly.

Regardless, I am very fortunate to be learing under a chef who has been in the business since he was 14. He was trained by a master French chef and he really has an amazing ability to create beautiful and delicious dishes. He has been nothing but generous with his patience and time. I am very grateful. Morevover, I get to learn from the rest of the staff who are all very capable and great. I have so much to glean from their experiences and talent. Lastly, I would like to note that working in the culinary industry isn't all glitz and glamour as some cooking shows might lead one to believe. It's dirty, hot, and odiferous. Yet I feel much happier doing this job and it is so much more fulfilling than sitting in front of a computer completing ridiculous projects. I get to experience the instant gratification of creating something tangible and seeing the final product on a nice clean white plate. Quite frankly, I don't think it gets better than that and I get to eat some unbelievable food.